It Goes On

A lot of catching up to do...

2011-11-20T12:44:00.000-08:00

I am a slacker. I have so much I need/want to add to the blog. But I have been busy the last month and so this quick update will have to do. Here are the boys, Mr. Harry Potter and Mr. Draco Malfoy in their Halloween Costumes. We bleached Tyler's hair and I have to say that I think he's a pretty cute little blond.

Ethan, my little activist, started a club at his school. He asked to borrow a poster-board and this is what he created. He cracks me up. This is one of my favorite parts about being a mom - I love seeing their little personalities emerge more and more each day.

I went home last week for my grandpa's funeral. I always knew him as "Papa Bob." And I was heartbroken to hear that he had passed away. He was a lot like a father to me. I spent a large portion of my childhood living with him and my grandmother. I am sad that my children won't get to know him, his goodness and sense of humor the way I did. But I am so grateful that I had him as my grandpa. I am grateful for the legacy he left me of charity, faith, hard-work and so much more.

Out of my comfort zone

2011-10-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

The boys just finished their fall break. And we had a really good time.

And I am really proud to say that I took them camping ALL BY MYSELF. This was a big deal to me. I was very anxious about it and yet I made a decision a while ago that I was going to do everything I could to still "live" even though I am single. That means having date nights on Friday (even when I don't have a date....Me + Rubio's Chicken Tacos + and a really cheesy girl movie), that means learning to hang curtains and taking my pipes apart when we had plumbing problems, I have figured out car problems and cub scouts and lots of things I was not super involved in when I was married.

So this week...taking them camping was a new adventure and to be honest I wanted to chicken out a few times. But I am so glad I didn't. It was one of my favorite things I have ever done with the boys.

We camped on Mt Lemon and although I had nightmares of the hyenas from the Lion King eating us in our sleep we had no problems other than one skunk who wanted some of the boys s'mores.

PS. Watch for the stupid straw hat that Tyler insisted we all wear and that made an appearance in almost every picture!!

Playing some serious battleship

In the hammock...this was the best idea. I laid in the hammock while they played battleship...HEAVEN

On the hike

At Colossal Caverns...it was pretty creepy

Jumping off rocks on our hike....see the hat???


I love this one...see the hat on the stick? Cracks me up!

Thinking...

Mom - trying to be a good sport about the hat.

Just incase my head ever gets too big...

2011-10-02T19:40:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this actually happened. I found this recently. And I DID NOT remember it. AT ALL. So that must mean that I blocked it out. Understandable.
Things to address:
1. The hair, more specificially the bangs
2. The sweater. I was in 5th grade. What on Earth was I doing in that sweater
3. The doll. First off the doll is creepy as he**. Why oh why did I bring that thing. I have a sneaking suspicion it wasn't my idea.
4. The Bow - I think we may have stolen that bow off a Publishers Clearing House check. That thing is the size of Texas.

I think thats a good stopping point....

It's opposties day...

2011-09-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

Things I Love: stains on white shirts (especially chocolate and mustard), slow drivers, blind dates, temper tantrums, air conditioning repairmen with B.O. that smells like fire, lost keys, earwigs on my face in the morning, broken bones and nails, the man mowing the lawn by my window at 6 am, studying, pop quizzes, pretentious professors, 106 degree afternoons, guys named Denver, broken toilets, showering in my neighbors hose, gas prices, stomach aches, and cilantro.

Like I said, I am a glass half full type of girl.

Anyone up for an awkward conversation...

2011-08-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

A friend emailed me today asking for help with the big "talk." Ironically, her email came on the day of my big "talk" with Ethan.

i am not really nervous about it. honest. don't look at me that way...i really am not worried or nervous at all in the slightest.

maybe a little. but just a little.

mostly sad. i am learning that i am the mom who finds each new milestone incredibly exciting and heartbreaking all in one. motherhood is not for the weak of heart. or stomach for that matter. i went upstarts today and found a whole lot of bodily substances in the restroom. but that's a whole different post.

However, I feel like the 400+ hours( but who's counting) of sexual addiction education and the undergrad in child development and the heavy course load of counseling classes has left me with one certain conviction. In this area - PARENTS MUST BE FEARLESS. Seriously, if I have learned anything its that.

So I told my friend I would post the books that I think are good and helpful on my blog today. I hope this helps. I am not "In Love" with any of these books. I have read a lot of them and I think these are good. But not perfect. Maybe one day I will attempt to write the perfect one. Because I do think there is a gaping hole in the market. But for now I just pick and choose what I like from each book and use them the best I can.

Amazing You by Gail Saltz - A good beginner book for kids. I started my boys with this one at around 6.
Before I Was Born by Carolyn Nystrom - I really like this book. It's a Christian centered book and I do like the focus it gives on morals and values. There is a page in here that I would save for the "big talk" at 8. But overall one of my favorite books!
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle - This a good book for older children (8+) This is the book I am going to use with the big talk. Again, not perfect but a good clear educational book. This book is recommended in the book I will talk about next.
How To Talk To Your Child About Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre. I love this book - its the best I have come across. It's written by the Eyre's (the founders of joy school and parents to 9 children!) It's in my opinion the best place to start. It gives you dialogues for every age from 2 to adulthood.
It's So Amazing by Robbie H Harris. I have mixed feelings on this book. I love that its comprehensive. I mean it covers EVERYTHING. It should be called "El Encylopediao De Awkward Conversation." However I think its a good one to have to cover about everything. I don't personally agree with all the views in this one...so I filter it a bit.

Like I said, there really isn't a perfect book for this. But this is a good start. I have TONS of other books I really like and maybe I will post those soon.

2011-08-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

what do i write? i know there is a blog post in my head - it has been rattling around in there for days.
i think it may take a few more days to make its way to coherent sentences.

in the meantime a few tidbits of my life. {because i am told by well meaning seniors in the checkout at albertson's that 'one day you will want to remember this}

tyler was tramatized today. we watched a churchish movie called "spiritual crocodiles." its been a decade (at least) since I watched this movie and i forgot that there was a scene or ten where an unsuspecting water buffalo is attacked and devoured by a crocodile. so I (andrea-i-am-trying-to-teach-my-children-morals) show them this movie and before I know it Tyler is sobbing and CANNOT stop. this boy loves swords and star wars and is CONSTANTLY reinacting battle scenes...but a baby water buffalo getting eaten killed him.
I may or may not have told him it was all pretend and they were just actors. and that no water buffalo were actually eaten. (yep...teaching morals.) he cried off and on all day. and at bed time told me that he hoped the water buffalo didn't hurt too much while being 'crunched and devoured" by the crocodile's mouth. i am gonna start putting money away this week for the future therapy he will need.

school starts soon. the boys start on wednesday. i return on the 17th. its a bitter sweet thing. i am happy for the return to routine. i have learned this summer that all of us - especially me - are happier on a routine. when and if i am ever finished with school and if there is ever a time that i am once again a stay at home mom (a girl can wish can't she??) i now know this about myself. as much as i loved relaxing with the kids and the freedom to go and do whatever we want i was restless this summer. i need a routine and schedule. its weird how i had more time than i ever did during the school year and yet I feel like i accomplished less, strange huh? but i am sad for it to end. the late night reading sessions. the baking whenever i want. the pool. the outings with the boys.
i am excited to dive back into my counseling classes. my summer classes reaffirmed to me once again how much i love this material - and that this is exactly what i need to be doing.

gonna go enjoy one of my last evenings of freedom. i am reading such a good book!

On Being "Hot"

2011-07-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

I was stuck in a hotel last night.

Stuck...it sounds so ungrateful. I mean it could have been worse. I could have been stuck at home. And that people, would have been a tragedy. You would have seen our faces plastered on the newspapers:

"Mother and Two Young Sons Cook to Death in 92 Degree Home"

They would have found us huddled together with bags of frozen peas all over us.

You can learn a lot about yourself in time of stress. I now know what I always suspected about myself - heat brings out the rage in me.

It was time to take Ethan to scouts and we had been in this 90 degree house for a few hours and I needed to get out....NOW. Ethan, who was sweaty and lethargic from the heat was moving very slowly and I could feel my face getting redder and redder and my anger was rising. I have a vague memory of telling him that if he "didn't get his scout shirt on and get his bum in the car in 1 min that I would feed all his stuffed animals to the sharks at Sea World." Yeah, that happened. Mother of the Year. Future Therapist in training....

While stuck at the hotel and unable to sleep I ended up watching a whole lot of trashy TV. I never really watch TV. I read a lot. I watch movies on Netflix sometimes , I Tivo "Antiques Roadshow"(don't you dare judge me). And I found myself in this trance watching some show starring the Kardashians. I am not sure which it was - they do have a lot of shows now-a-days, don't they?

I didn't want to watch it. I literally felt the brain cells melting out of my head...disappearing forever. I really wanted to stop. But I had to know what was going to happen with the psoriasis crisis that could possible ruin her modeling career. Or the teenage birth control controversy. Or the appendicitis.

And I know I am about 12 years to late to this conversation - but does anyone else think that show is scripted?? I mean, seriously. Why does anyone watch? ( okay, disregard my earlier paragraph about my trance like binge on Kardashian last night...)

Then this morning while eating breakfast at the hotel the boys saw the news in the lobby. It was about some young boy who had killed someone and the death penalty was being considered. Well, what a way to start off the day.

They boys were disturbed. I think I have done a pretty good job of sheltering them from things like this. I am not sure - until today they ever had even considered the idea that people kill each other. They have seen Harry Potter. But that's wizards with wands and cloaks and beards and all things very very different from the world they live. And so Tyler has been asking me all day about jail and who goes there. Murder and who does it? The death penalty and if you can get it for pouring milk in some one's new purse (which made me rush back and check the interior of my very favorite new purse...)

They are 8 and 6....it won't be much longer till the innocence is over. Its really sad. I love that they think the world is "fun" and all people are "nice." Everyone is a future friend and trust is something you give to all....But after today's news I could see the slight change. I saw Ethan lock our hotel door when we got back in.

We are home now...waiting for the AC repairman to come and save the day. I am hopeful that we'll have AC tonight...because that one night in a hotel was too educational!

PS. Kim got the psoriasis figured out and her modeling career is a GO. Whew! That was a close one.

Smores Bars.

2011-07-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

Made these this weekend and they were a hit. Enjoy.

½ c margarine ( i use butter...its against my religion to bake with margarine)

½ c packed brown sugar

1 c flour

½ c graham cracker crumbs

2 c mini marshmallows

6 oz chocolate chips

½ cup chopped walnuts

Beat margarine and sugar until light and fluffy
Add flour and graham crackers – mix well.
Press into bottom of 9 in square pan.
Sprinkle w/ remaining ingredients
Bake @ 375 for 10-15 min

Note: If this recipe is doubled press into a jelly roll pan.

Apology

2011-07-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Body,

I would just like to apologize for the excessive amounts of Diet Coke I consumed today. I know its not good for you. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,

Andrea

PS. I would also like to apologize in advance for the Diet Coke that will be consumed tomorrow.

Obviously this one hits close to home...

2011-07-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

I watched this tonight. I have a Roku player and LOVE it. I use it for netflix and pandora and amazon on demand and facebook and a trillion other things. I just discovered that I can get BYU TV on it and the "Mormon" channel. Which means I can access all of these amazing-inspiring videos. Its a good way for me to start my day...focused.

I watched this today. I didn't cry. I just ached. It's a deep ache that I am not sure will ever go away - no matter how much time passes or how much healing takes place. A knife wound can heal - but there will always be a scar.

I wish I could speak to anyone struggling with this. Look them in the eyes and tell them what I know. I know its hard. I know that addiction - any addiction - is difficult - possibly more difficult than I will ever understand. I wish I could show them where it leads. How it accelerates...like a car with no brakes until it crashes and kills.

Poison that consumes and destroys everyone it touches.

Hurts and breaks hearts.

And families

And children

I wish I could let you glimpse what it has done to me and countless others just like me.

There is another way - you are not in control - but there is One who is.

To the Birthday Girl

2011-07-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

So she's going to hate this. She has this whole i-hate-to-be-the-center-of-attention issue.

But in honor of my best friend’s birthday I have to start the celebration with this post about one of the most amazing women I have ever met.

I love the movie "It's A Wonderful Life," actually - it’s my favorite movie of all time. I love the idea that one life can have such a profound impact on the world. Change countless lives...

I remember being fascinated by the "butterfly effect" when I first heard of it as a child.

“When a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world it can cause a hurricane in another part of the world. “

And it got me thinking. About what would have happened if…

I had never crunched my way through her chocolate cake filled with bay leaves An expensive perfume hadn’t been used as bathroom spray.

She hadn’t been my partner in crime in stalking a famous “David”

Or helped kick men out of mothers lounges

What if there had been no talking under blankets

Or crying long distance

No packages after announcements

And after losses

What if we hadn’t annoyed about 28,164 people with our movie photo shoots

Or what if she hadn’t been living with me the day my world came crashing down… and my air conditioning went cranking up?

What if she hadn’t patiently persisted when I closed her out…

Or gotten mad for me -when I couldn't

What if there hadn’t been any stinky muumuu nights

Cheese Danishes

Blanket burning parties

Bridal show getaways

Or purses full of lamb.

What would my world look like without a women who believed in me when I couldn’t for myself?

Who sees the best in me

Who sits in darkened chapels with me

Who listens when I ramble

Or cry

Who teaches me about tolerance, kindness, unconditional love

And really good ice cream.

I don’t know. I am glad I don’t have to know. My life will forever be changed because of her. And I will forever be grateful for her and the “leafy” chocolate cake that brought us together.

A little video of total humiliation and embarassment...

Color Coded Closets and Robert Redford

2011-07-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Leaving my old house and my AMAZING closet was a little heartbreaking to this woman who loves her shoes to be organized. And so...finally after a year of closet chaos I organized. And although it's still tragically small (did I really just use the word tragic in reference to my closet...) it makes me so happy every time I open it and see those neat little rows. Here is a picture of half of my closet in all her organized glory. (the other half looks just as lovely...)

You know I have entirely too much time on my I-am-out-of-school-hands when I am posting pictures of my closet.

Also, I watched "The Horse Whisperer" for the first time today. Where have I been the last 13 years since it came out??

Let me say I now officially have a crush on Mr. Robert Redford. Bye Bye Ryan Reynolds...Robert has taken your place. You may think that is sick...that he is too old for me. But to that I say - his body may be old but his soul is still young.

Give me a clean closet and Robert Redford on a horse and I am one happy lady.

See this is what happens when I am out of school....its not pretty I tell you.

Changes

2011-07-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

The only thing I would do to improve the amazing state of Arizona is get rid of its summers.

And have free sno cone Mondays written into law.

Today

2011-07-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

Some days I think that having kids is the coolest thing I have ever done.

Today is one of those days.

Yep...this is a good one

2011-07-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

Love this spinach dip. This dip was shared with me by Julie almost 3 years ago and it has been my go-to dip ever since. And I feel like its healthy. I mean, it has spinach and artichokes and no mayo (which most spinach and artichoke dips have) Although, I do believe the brick of cream cheese and Parmesan cheese may not be the most heart healthy.
Anyway we had it this weekend and I was reminded of the beauty that this dip and a chip can produce. LOVE it!
Enjoy

Hot Spinach and Artichoke Dip

6oz Chopped Artichoke Hearts

½ c frozen chopped spinach, thawed

1package cream cheese

½ cup Parmesan Cheese

½ tsp salt

½ tsp Red Pepper Flakes

1/8 tsp pepper

1/8 tsp garlic powder

Boil artichoke hearts and spinach in one cup of water over medium heat until tender( you don’t really have to do this…I never do. I just drain them and add them to the mix); drain. Warm cream cheese in microwave. Mix drained artichoke mixture to cream cheese and add remaining ingredients. Serve Warm

Makes about 3 cups

A little song about desperation...

2011-07-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

remember good ol' chuck woolery. those were the good days.

My sister had a friend in Boston who lets just say was not the most attractive(or best smelling) person you have ever met. I mean, I have nothing against a little individuality when it comes to dress - but I think when it comes to showers or clean underpants indivuality is very overrated. He fancied himself a musician and liked to sing about his love troubles (which considering the state of his hygiene isn't too surprising to anyone, is it folks?) One of his songs and my personal favorites was titled, "A Little Song About Desperation." Lovely, no?

So in honor of him and his song I have decided to add a few of my favorite lines from some rather desperate fellas in the world of online dating.
Let me clarify. I am not online dating. Repeat: IT IS NOT HAPPENING. However, Lynsey and I( who sometimes like a good laugh in the evenings) decided to set up an account and - well, as they say in the movies - the rest is history.
So without further ado I am now presenting my top 10 most hilarious/desperate/concerning messages -
(Grammer has been untouched...)

"I dot have a car. I dot have a job. But I could do your dishes and listen to you whenever you are sad. Can I plese be your boyfriend?"
"Read all of Moses & Abraham tonight...I promise you you will enjoy... pray before hand for the spirit to instill the strength of the words within you...tell me how it goes"
"the only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name" (my eyes didn't need to tell him that - it was already on the dang profile...)
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, Chocolate MilkShake to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
"Is youre smile always so cheesy". (ouch...that definitely won me over.)
" You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby you’re da bomb." (no I am not joking...this actually happened)
Can I just say you're Babilicious! (the answer to that question is no. no you may not say that...)
"Where you hiding your wings?" (really? I think I got that one at 14)
"I see you graduated, i thought you got your beauty degree before you left the pre earth life???"
How YOU dooooin?
"You're hotter than my daughter." (yes, this one came from a more "mature" gentleman. )

WATCH THIS...PLEASE. AND YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.

All this she learned on a toilet...

2011-07-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

Read this today. And not only did I laugh out loud....but I was inspired to be a bit gentler with me..

Sneaking a Peek.

2011-07-12T00:49:00.000-07:00

Patience is a virtue...or at least I was told that many many times as a child.

I have a very bad habit. And in customary blogging fashion I am about to announce it to the world. I read the ending of a book first. I never start out intending to do it. I firmly tell myself, "Not this time, Andrea. You are going to be STRONG!" And then there would be a car crash or a wizards duel or a heart break so devastating that I am sure I will not live to read the ending....150 more pages, are you kidding me?? And so I would skip to the end. I'd peek. I would read enough to put my mind at ease. But the thing is - knowing the ending killed the magic.

In 2007 this all ended for me. I received the final book in the Harry Potter series - I was dying to know how it was going to end. Would Harry live? Would Voldermort - I mean, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named" be conquered? Would Ron finally grow up and ask Hermoine out?? And although I wanted to Peek...I didn't. I had waited far too long to ruin this. I was going to enjoy this book the way it was meant to be - cover to cover. In order.

Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wishing I could sneak a peek. Just get a little glimpse of how this whole thing called my life is gonna turn out. Get some PEACE over the worries we all have "Will my kids be okay...will I?" "Will I find love?" "Will this Arizona sun give me wrinkles( I am joking....well, mostly)

However, as I was contemplating my wish to "read ahead" I was reminded of a little thing called faith.

Do I believe what I've professed to believe? Do I really believe He will do all He's promised to do?

This is a question that is hypothetically easy to answer. But I have found its a lot harder when you are facing life. You know, those moments when pain or fear or uncertainty are banging at your door.

When you lose a child or pregnancy or house or job or marriage or parent. Loss makes you question.

When you are betrayed or hurt or alone or abandoned or tired or weary or attacked or sick. Pain makes you question.

And for me the answer to that question is YES.

I absolutely believe, I know. The promises are sure. That I will have a complete family. Alone will not last forever. That my children will be okay. Their pain will not last forever. That I will be guided and comforted...now and always.

And so then comes in the faith. The turning the reins of my life over. Not worrying about what will happen...because faith and fear can NEVER coexist. Because deep down inside - I already know the answer. I really do. So this is a book I don't need to read ahead in. Its a book with a perfect author. With a perfect plan.

White

2011-07-11T22:12:00.000-07:00

I have always thought white was Ethan's color. His blue eyes and tan skin just "pop" even more when he's dresses in white. And it was never more true than this last Saturday.

Ethan with Uncle Ryan

A good friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago, "There is just something really special about the day your first born goes in that water." And she was right. It was an amazing day.

As I have shared on this blog in the past, Ethan has social anxiety. And it has been a real struggle for him....and me. I have watched him struggle with school and primary programs and dentists and sports and it has been so painful to watch someone I love so much go through this.

He wants to play/sing/go...but in the moment (especially his first time) he is terrified. He starts to sweat and his heart is beating out of his chest and he panics. And then he suffers after with the regret of missing out or feeling different.

I knew that baptism was going be a hurdle for him.

We've been talking about this for months. And every-time the subject was brought up I saw that look (the I am gonna bolt deer-in-the headlights look) and I was really very apprehensive about how this whole experience would go.

I wanted this to be his decision. I didn't want him to be forced or pressured into this. I decided that I would let him choose and respect his decision and when I asked him what he wanted to do he said very calmy, " I want to be baptized mom. I want to have an eternal family and I want to follow Jesus"(melted my heart). And he followed that statement with "But I don't know how I am gonna do it....I am so scared."

I have been praying and fasting for months for this little boy. I wanted him to succeed. I wanted him to have this experience under his belt that he could look back on and know he did it. I wanted him to not only accomplish this...but to enjoy it.

. It didn't start well. He CLUNG to the car door when we pulled up that day. And he slumped into a ball in the corner of the dressing room when it was time to change into his white clothes. But then I said a prayer with him...and added another to the hundreds that had already been said in my heart that day.

And it was answered.

He was baptized. And I cried all through it.

And he was confirmed. And I couldn't help opening my eyes.

And I saw his sweet face. It was completely PEACEFUL. Not one ounce of fear was found there. (and that my friends was our own personal miracle) And he had the biggest, sweetest smile across his face the entire blessing. I could just cry thinking of it. I know he was helped that day.

Helped to accomplish something important to him and to HIM. I know that all of our struggles whether they be the small fears of a little 8 year old or the challenges facing nations are known and heard by God. I know that.

And I am thankful that now Ethan knows it as well.

Swimming, Secrets, and Sweat

2011-06-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

The boys and I went to the pool today. We were there totally alone - which meant I was the entertainer. The time was spent playing their favorite game - Raging Rivers (which is basically mom becoming the amusement park ride and splashing, crashing , and dunking them until I am past the point of exhaustion.) But it was a good -really good kind of exhaustion.

Then we had dive competition(which for us is when I give them a creature/person they have to dive like. Tyler's clown is my all-time-favorite dive.)
Alot of time was spent in me teaching(or trying to) them how to float. Little know fact about Andrea: I am a world class expert at the float. Someone once told me that I float so well because fat is lighter than water and I have a higher body fat percentage.

SECRETS TO WOMEN #1 - Never, ever, EVER, tell a woman that the reason she floats so well is because she has so much fat.

Way to rain on my parade. I just thought I had a gift.

Later I took the boys to get the supplies for these. We are making them for Ethan's party next week.

And to our surprise we are one of the few houses that still have power on our side of Mesa. Apparently there was a huge power outage and all the stores were in the dark...and Albertson's meat department smelled WRONG! 112 degree temperatures +no air conditioning + a large amount of raw beef = BAD NEWS.

So the boys and I hurried back to our very cool house and said major prayers of gratitude. I am so thankful we still have air conditioning. I am not sure what we'd have done...but it wouldn't have been pretty.

As I was putting them to bed tonight I really felt like this was the perfect day. It was completely ordinary. But EXACTLY the kind of day I would chose - low key - time with no demands, no plans, no stress. Just me and these two little boys who have become two of the greatest friends of my life.

I'm Back

2011-06-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

This blog is always the first to go when things get crazy. I hate that - I love having this outlet and getting to look back at what we've been doing. But I still haven't figured out how to keep it going when life gets nuts...
We've had a lot go on since my last post.

Ethan turned 8 and will be getting baptized in a couple of weeks. He got a wii - and was thrilled - we celebrated with a few of his friends at Peter Piper Pizza (its like chucky cheese)

Lynsey took me to my first concert (I know...I have lived a sheltered life:) And we had an amazing time. I felt like I got a taste of a true college experience. I got in bed at 2:30 am and had to get up at 5:00 am for graduation.

We now have a cub scout.

The boys finished the school year and are home for the summer. I cannot believe I have soon to be 1st and 3rd graders. It really feels like they were just little diapered babies a few days ago.We've been keeping ourselves busy and cool with puzzles and trips to the Science Center.

These pictures make me smile. Tyler's smile is just infectious...

I graduated!! And then a couple of weeks later started my graduate program. I took 6 credits in 3 weeks and it was one of the toughest things I have ever done. However, it was worth it. I will now be able to be home with my kids every evening in the fall. I am off school until August 17th and we are going to LIVE IT UP!!

Ethan's class had a Japanese Tea and I, as the room mother (do not ask me how that happened) was in charge of it. Isn't it adorable??

I got a new calling as a Relief Society teacher. I am very excited and a little nervous. I love teaching - it forces me to stretch and grow - but I get so nervous. Every time I swear it takes a couple of years off my life.

I have gotten the "decorator" bug and have been working on my bedroom. So far I am pretty pleased - but I still have a ways to go. Stay tuned for the reveal..

Okay, this is the most disorganized, haphazard and chaotic blog post ever. If you read this you must have whiplash. From Japanese Tea's to bedroom makeovers, graduation and relief society...Wow! But I just needed to get that off my chest. I wanted to remember it all. Next post will have one topic - I promise!

Stand with Him

2011-05-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

Every morning while I am getting ready I try to listen to audio scriptures or general conference talk. I listened to this today....and it really touched my heart.

Over and Out

2011-05-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

This will have to do until my graduation next Friday. Anyway, I can always use an excuse to put this picture up. Isn't he adorable!!

Today I finished my undergraduate career. It was a big deal when I submitted that last exam. Bigger than I thought it would be.

There were a lot of years where I didn't think this would happen. I was knee deep in life and kids and babysitting and although I ALWAYS had this dream of doing this - Always wanted it -Just wasn't sure it would happen.

And then it did. I finished. And got all my final grades today. So its official. Nothing can stop it now. I kept thinking I was going to get this call telling me there was a big mistake and I was a credit short. But its really happening.

I get a whole three weeks off before my Masters program starts. I am going to really "live it up" these three weeks. Doing crazy things like sleeping in(well until I have to take the boys to school :) and refinishing dressers and baking - you know crazy things like that...we single moms really know how to have a good time.

Tyler will be graduating here soon. And I want to get a picture with me and the boys in our caps and gowns. The boys will not like this idea. This is the kind of thing that puts them in very GRUMPY moods. But this is the kind of thing that makes moms very happy. So be looking for that. A picture with me in my cap and gown smiling ear to ear - while Ty and Ethan are in their caps and gowns looking very very annoyed.

Happiness is...

2011-04-30T13:58:00.000-07:00


Because happiness is what I felt when I found out I live just minutes from sno cones! Oh how I have missed sno cones for the 4 1/2 years I have lived in Arizona. So needless to say as soon as I found out I had to get one. Summer will be a much happier place now!!

______________________________________________

‘Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.’ - Groucho Marx

__________________________________________________

Feeling Blessed.

Remembering how blessed I am. Sometime I forget. I think that’s normal. To forget how amazing my life is. How painfully, beautifully perfect it is. And then I look around. And sit and feel and remember how amazing life can be.

I am blessed.

Blessed to know the source of Peace. Blessed to really really know this. And know, that no matter what. I can always find peace in Him.

Blessed to have these little boys. I have such a bright hope for them. For the men they are going to be. The lives they are going to lead. The things they will learn and discover and become. There is this line in a movie that always makes me roll my eyes. The lead character says to the woman he loves, “You Complete Me.” I don’t think it works that way. No one can complete you. That is something you have to be on your own first…But these boys…they COMPLETE ME. They give me this picture of what God must feel for His children. This belief in unconditional love. I love that Ethan gets in my bed early every morning and we read “Harry Potter.” Although this means I am waking up an hour before I” have” to I LOVE every minute of it. It’s our time. And I love that. Love watching his cute little eyes widen during the intense parts and love his little giggle at the silly parts. Ethan – one day when you read this – I want you to know how very much your mom loves you. Every little bit of you. And the more I know you, see the challenges that are yours to face – the more excited I am to see you develop into who you are meant to be.

Blessed to have this Tyler boy. I always think to myself, “I know that God loves me…because He gave me Tyler.” Tyler makes you smile. Everyone smiles at Tyler. Because there is something about him. Something so pure and happy and innocent. And it reminds me of everything good. He loves everyone. Sees everyone as a “new friend” and he is fiercely loyal and protective of those he loves. When a neighbor girl told him he had a “small mom” (whatever that means??) it broke his heart. He came home crying that he could never play with her again because she “was saying mean things about my mommy.” Yes I am blessed to have Tyler.

Blessed by the temple. And what it means for me. I was in the Salt Lake and Mesa temples this week and reminded again of how bright and beautiful life can really be.

Blessed by friends. Good and loyal and constant. Who teach me and love me. And in many ways save me.

Gratitude changes everything. I think it could possibly be the secret to life. I have days where things just feel hard. Uncomfortable and uphill and frustrating. But then I take a closer look. Looking away from those hills… And then I see my bed with clean sheets, or while taking out the trash catch sight of this amazing sunset. I float in a swimming pool while Ty tries to jump and “sink mom.” I smell clean boys after a bath or listen to music that makes me sing too loud and more than a little off key. I sit on my porch with a Popsicle in one hand and a book in another and think about what happiness is. And know that I don’t have to “wait” any longer for it to come. “It” is already here. And as long as I choose it…it’s not going anywhere.

Singing With All His Heart....

2011-04-30T08:58:00.000-07:00

Okay the video quality on these are bad. I mean really really bad. Like get you seasick - kinda bad. But I just love Ethan's little "opera" singing in these. On both videos watch around 10 seconds to about 20 seconds. It's priceless.

The Best Week Ever!!

2011-03-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

Seriously. This is the best week ever! I am in love with Spring Break. The boys and I have been so busy with school and I loved just getting to relax, spend time with them and do whatever I want.

The fun started off Saturday with Tyler's birthday party. I loved getting to see the kids so excited and visiting with great friends.

The boys and I went to the pool 6 times this week. Sunshine, a good book, Diet Coke and spending time with these cute boys...it doesn't get any better than this!

I love Tyler's eyes in this picture.

They had a muffin and Lemonade stand. I t really was the cutest thing ever. They were so excited every time they got a customer and they made about 10 dollars that day!!

Gotta love the MC Donalds cash register they used!!!

Thursday Lynsey and I braved the crowds and took the kids to the Aquarium. We saw sharks feeding on fish and Lynsey and I screamed while all the kids cheered!!

I touched a starfish...and as lame as it sounds - it freaked me out!!

And as luck would have it my birthday was this Wednesday. It was great to get to enjoy my birthday without having to write papers or take tests. And it was the best birthday ever!!


Lynsey MADE my DAY with tickets to Fiddler. She really is the best friend I could ever ask for!!

Having a moment. Part One

2011-03-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

I love this. I love a good surprise. Especially when they totally FREAK OUT. However, I am not going to lie, I always believed these "freak outs" were a little fake. "Come on...no one really acts like that..." I couldn't figure it out. I had NEVER had a moment like that in all my life. So I just didn't understand it. Were they playing to the camera? Mentally unstable? It was a mystery to me.

Until last week. Last week I received a letter that changed that all for me.

It looked a little like this...

And after I read it I looked a little like Ms. Emma from that "Price is Right" video. I was NOT playing to the camera or the crowd (because there was none. I was all alone) But I literally lost myself in that moment. I fell on the ground and looked like I was doing some sort of - stop. drop. and roll. - dance. It wasn't pretty. And then when that part was over I looked like this...

But not nearly as cute.

Because for me this was a big deal. It wasn't that I got into grad school.

But what it actually represented to me.

That I am not stupid. My sister is a genius. Really. Bright and talented and good at all she does. And somewhere along the line - I got the impression from my high school teachers that there was only one smart Dubree girl (that would be my maiden name). And I believed it.

Going back to school a little over two years ago was one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. I had no confidence in myself. I was a mom, who baked and cleaned and loved her kids. Now in that area I was confidant. But math. microbiology. anatomy and physiology. YIKES.

The lie I told myself was "people like ME, don't become nurses...not me...I am just not that smart"

And then you know what happened. I did it. And even got A's in the process.

And once again I had this stirring.

That although nursing would be great...it wasn't what I was "meant" to do.

But that little voice in my head told me "Not you, Andrea. Girls like you don't get Masters degree's. Not you. Ever. Getting into nursing school was a fluke..."

I had to fight those thoughts for six months before I finally listened to the truth

and dropped out of nursing school.

And started this path.

And it was terrifying.

TERRIFYING

And I almost didn't apply.

Taking the GRE

TERRIFYING

Writing my application essay's

TERRIFYING

Asking for letters of recommendation

TERRIFYING

And the truth be told. I had NO hope of getting in.

Not to this school.

And the experience left me grateful. And prayerful. Reminded once again, and for what seems like the millionth time this year, that I have been blessed beyond what I deserve. Loved perfectly. And given all that I need.

So bring it on grad school. You don't scare me (well, not too bad :)

Ode to Tyler

2011-03-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Tyler turned 6 this week. Birthday's have always been magical to me...as a child MY birthday was the best day of the year. However, now my son's birthdays are my favorite days of the year. I love making the day as special for them as I possibly can. I love how excited they get in the days leading up to the big day. I find myself remembering their lives - each tooth and step and LABOR - their birthdays always make me nostalgic. And I am always amazed at the end result...of the little person they are becoming. This year, more so than ever before, I found myself so keenly aware of how he blesses our family. I can't imagine my life without him. Tyler is:

sweet - always more concerned about our feelings than his own. He will give up his money without a second thought if Ethan wants something at the store. he will take the blame for crimes he never committed in order to prevent "someone" else the punishment. when playing he always comes back to "make sure you're okay momma."
innocent - he still believe everyone is good. he thinks everyone he meets is a new friend. he thinks tattoo's wash off. after a lesson on modesty he has become VERY concerned with modesty. he will report to me that a construction worker without a shirt needs "to work on his choices." he sees the best in me...and everyone. he is quick to forgive and forget.

the comic relief - he's the king of jokes that make NO sense. he's silly and giggly and getting him through an entire sacrament meeting without out one giggle attack is a modern day miracle. Today( to his mommas chagrin) he announced in the waiting room at the dentist's office, "Look momma, that man has a verrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy big belly. I am thinking there might be a bit of a baby in there."
helpful - usually the first to volunteer for chores. he often will even clean a room as a "surprise" for me.
cuddly - he LOVES to cuddle. he inherited his mom's cold feet and always has to tuck them under a pillow just like me. we love to watch movies together with out feet tucked under a pillow.

Happy Birthday Tyler. I love you more and more each day. Thank you for each day I have had as your mother!!

Cold Ears

2011-02-27T10:42:00.000-08:00

Found him sleeping like this. Love everything about this boy...

PS. My favorite part of this is that we live in Arizona where you NEVER need winter hats outside....and inside, well, that's just silly!

Love these

2011-02-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

We were stuck inside this morning with some really nasty weather( well, by Arizona standards). So while the boys were making a fort I worked on these. I think they turned out pretty nice. I am going to try making them with colors and patterns tomorrow afternoon. I am picturing a whole wall of silhouettes.

Can you tell which is Ethan and which is Tyler?

Banana Cream Pie

2011-02-19T08:40:00.000-08:00

I found this recipe a few years ago. I am not a big "pie person." I can think of a million desserts I would rather have before pie. However, I LOVE this pie. The crust is delicious and the filling is divine. So... enjoy

Banana Cream Pie

FILLING:

4 large egg yolks

2/3 cup sugar

¼ cup cornstarch

½ tsp salt

3 cups milk (works best with whole milk)

2TB butter

1Tb +1 tsp vanilla

1 cup whipped cream

2 large bananas

1. Bake pastry for baked One-Crust Pie.

2. Beat egg yolks with fork in medium bowl; set aside. Mix sugar, cornstarch and salt in 2-quart saucepan. Gradually stir in milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and boils. Boil and stir 1 minute.

3. Immediately stir at least half of the hot mixture gradually into egg yolks, then stir back into hot mixture in saucepan. Boil and stir 1 minute; remove from heat. Stir in butter, vanilla. Slice the bananas into crust. Pour into pie crust. Press plastic wrap on filling to prevent a tough layer from forming on top. Refrigerate at least 2 hours until set.

4. Remove plastic wrap. Top pie with Sweetened Whipped Cream and additional banana slices. Cover and refrigerate cooled pie until serving. Store covered in refrigerator.

CRUST:

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup shortening
3 tablespoons butter or stick margarine
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1/3 cup buttermilk

1. Mix flour and salt in medium bowl. Cut in shortening and butter, using pastry blender or crisscrossing 2 knives, until particles are size of small peas.

2. Mix in oil and buttermilk with fork until all flour is moistened and pastry leaves side of bowl. Divide in half; shape each half into a ball. If making one-crust pie, wrap second ball of pastry and freeze for later use.

3 This crust can just be patted into the pie pan. NO rolling needed!! (my favorite part)

Saves My Bacon

2011-02-19T07:55:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to pass along something we've started this year that is a total lifesaver! I knew that with the way my school schedule was and with the morning temperament of these two boys we were going to need to do something to help simplify the mornings. So...this idea was born.

At the beginning of the week I take all their laundry and I roll them up into outfits. I put their clothes, undershirt, undewear, and socks into a little bundle with a rubber-band.

And then I put all of their little bundles into their bin.

Gone are the days of them picking shorts, batman socks and sweater vests. Gone are the "Mommmmmmmm, I can't find any socks!" They still get some choices over what to wear. They just pick an outfit out of their bin and they are dressed before I even come upstairs in the morning. It really has saved my bacon!!

PS. In case you are wondering I purchased a "life time supply" of rubber bands from Amazon for 5 dollars.

Birds and Broken Hearts

2011-02-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

I love birds. So much that I have them in almost every room in the house.


A few birds in the Living Room.

Tyler loves the birds too. He thinks these white birds are a "momma and her babies."

Here is another bird .


A bird in the boys' bathroom.

Over the last few weeks Tyler has become more and more fascinated with the birds. I have noticed him on a chair looking at them several times. And then I started finding this....

Everyday, many times a day, I am finding the bird from the bathroom sitting on the shelf in the living room. A pattern is developing. Each time I take the brown bird back to the bathroom and put the stepping ladder the culprit left behind away - just to find Mr. Brown bird back in the living room a couple of hours later.

When I asked Tyler why he kept moving the brown bird he would just say,

"I think him likes it a lot better in here..."

As usual, the birds were moved again this morning. And I moved them back. However, this time when Tyler saw me moving the bird he burst into tears.

"NO Momma!! The Daddy bird wants to stay in here with the mom and babies. Daddies are supposed to be with mom's and babies...not all alone!"

And I saw his concern for that Daddy bird. And all that it means to him. And my heart broke for my little baby bird - for his broken heart, for his shattered world and all he has to face. And I knew he was right. Daddy birds are supposed to be with Mommy and baby birds.

And so for now...this is how the birds will stay.

Jarem Frye - Athlete, Amputee, Mormon

2011-02-11T08:15:00.000-08:00

Overheard

2011-02-08T22:53:00.000-08:00

I overheard a conversation in the car today. I'd say 90% funny - 10% concerning.

Tyler - What year was I born?

Me - 2005

Tyler - What year was Ethan born?

Me - 2003

Tyler - What year was Dad born?

Me(wondering where this is going) - 1978

Tyler - and you mom?

Me - 1983

Tyler - now speaking quieter to Ethan - So...I am gonna die last. Ha Ha... I will live the longest.

Ethan - No. Maybe you will get hit by a car. Then I will die last

Tyler - No, cause I always listen to the crossing guard. I will not get hit by a car!!!! (he's getting louder and louder)

Ethan(Smugly) - Well, Tyler, there aren't always crossing guards. Sometimes you will have to cross without one. And then you will get his by a car. And then I will die last!

Tyler(in shock) - Mom, is there really places without crossing guards?

Me(not really wanting to be a part of this) - Yeah Ty, sometimes you just have to look both ways...

Tyler(in tears) - I am gonna die first. Ethan makes me so mad...he wins at everything!

So...on second thought I am thinking that this is more like 40% funny and 60% concerning. Seriously the sibling rivalry between those two has taken on new dimensions!

This I Know...

2011-02-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

Been doing some blog reading this morning. I probably shouldn't be. I do have homework and housework that are calling my name. But I am sick. I have a fever and no energy and its times like these that all I want to do is lay in bed, reading blogs and listening to Doris Day. I know... Don't judge me.

But when I get sick - I miss my grandma. She had a way of making everything perfect when I was sick. She would bring me my oatmeal in bed...and get this, not only bring my oatmeal but my own little sugar bowl and milk pitcher. So although I am now eating stale cereal out of the box ( a far cry from the pampering at grandma's) I am listening to some Dorris Day...and that does make me feel like she's here.

So as I came across these blogs and articles. They struck a chord with me... Check them out.

Waking Up In California

Mormon and Single...

Single, Female, Mormon, Alone

They all had a common thread. One I can relate with. But can't we all? Haven't we, those of us who have the "dream" life they write of in these articles and those of us who maybe don't fit quite so well, haven't we all experienced loneliness and pain. Isn't that what its all about. To me it is. I tell myself that every time I face a hurdle that seems bigger, more challenging and threatening than the last... "It's not supposed to be easy. That was never the plan."

I have been really happy lately. Something that I wasn't sure I would ever feel again. People told me I would. However, in the moment it was hard to imagine a time when I wouldn't be, hmmmm what's the word, well, broken. I felt utterly broken. My family...broken. My heart...broken( that's putting it mildly) My faith and trust in others...broken.

Now the funny thing is, its not as if all my problems have disappeared. In a lot of ways there are more. So...although some of my problems are still here (and with no end in sight) I feel better able to handle them. I have learned so so so much through this last year. Enough that I almost want to say I am grateful for these experiences...almost.

As I have read these articles and have contemplated the last years of my life I found myself making a list...

1. To be gentler with myself.

I no longer obsess over my every misstep. I can see that each "mistake" or "failure" was an opportunity to learn - to polish off more rough edges - I can see the wisdom and growth that they brought. I was once petrified of failure. I remember being paralyzed from making any decision in fear of making a mistake. I choose now to see and treat myself the way I would treat my own daughter. Carefully. Gently. And with love.

2. I have few regrets.

I can say that I am at peace with where I am in my life. I read this quote recently, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” I feel that I am right where I need to be...regret is useless to me.

This is supposed to be me having few regrets...hahahah.

3. The POWER of positivity.

We have heard about it for years...but its not just some "psychobabble" it really works. I have learned that you can find the good and uplifting and beautiful in ANY situation. Really...ANY situation. It has made all the difference to me. I am not perfect at it...but it was a skill I realized was going to be essential to my survival early on in this process and I use it everyday. Sometimes I forget...I start to worry...especially about my kids...how this is hurting them, what they are being exposed to when away, how they have and are still being hurt by the decisions of others and how completely unfair it is...and then I stop and remember. Remember that they are loved more than I can ever imagine by a Heavenly Father, remember that they have strengths and abilities and goodness in them that can meet these challenges, and remember that these experiences can make them more of the men they are intended to be...that they, like me can grow and learn in powerful ways from these experiences.

4. Investments

Even the smallest investment in myself pays great dividends. I have learned that investing love, a commitment to healing, time to learn and laugh with friends even in very small quantities pays back 10 fold. I am a better mother, friend and woman as I take time for me.

5. I have learned to trust myself.

This may have been the hardest one for me. For years this nagging voice inside of me convinced me otherwise. I trust myself, more that anyone besides my God. I know that I( and all of us) can do anything. I can take care of myself, make wise decisions, and thrive in the toughest of circumstances. I know that me + God = enough. I will never let that doubtful voice convince me that I am foolish, gullible, weak or incapable again.

6. Love

I have learned to ask for and receive love and help from others. It's hard for me to do so...I really hate asking for help...being a burden, however, I am learning to ask and that's a big step for me. I have found that I have learned more about love in this year spent alone than any other time in my life. I have found friendships that have saved me. Literally. I have found that love and support may not always come in the way we envision...but its always there for us if we accept it.

This learning has changed my life in ways I am not sure I can even describe. So, this may not make sense to anyone else...and that's okay... I just needed to do it for me. Almost as if I am carving my name in the side of a tree...letting the world know I was there. I want to say, I have been here. This is what it looked like.

Love This...

2010-12-20T08:31:00.001-08:00

2010-12-20T00:17:00.000-08:00

Note: it late and I am certain this will make little to no sense in the morning. My apologies.

The problem with baking treats is that you are guaranteed to eat some of those treats. I have developed my own mathematical equation today. For every 100 treats made you will eat three...so that means that I am inevitably going to eat 15 treats today. And then I will be sick. But it will be a good sick. A really really good sick.

I have been baking all day. And while baking I have been listening to great Christmas music. And now that the semester is OVER, finals are history, my grad school application is submitted and the wedding I was baking for is finished - now I am free to think. Think of something other than school and stress and to-do lists.

And sometimes thinking gets me in trouble.

Sometimes thinking leads to feelings - big overwhelming feelings that feel like they are crushing me. And that usually leads to memories- good and lighthearted, dark and threatening. That sounds a bit melodramatic... I mean, the word threatening is a pretty big word.

Not one you should just throw around.

And yet, I am choosing to let it stay. You see, when I am alone, thinking of the last year or eight - those memories can be just that - absolutely threatening.

People say that grief comes in waves. And I can attest to that. Sometimes I can be moving along just fine - happy and at peace with life right where I am at - and then WHAM - out of nowhere I am knocked over by it.

In the beginning it wasn't even waves. It was just like the ocean. I didn't even have time to come up for air before the next one knocked me over. I remember one day where I literally felt as if I was going to die. It was so big and dark and overwhelming and I just thought I wouldn't make it through this. But that ends. I can promise that. That passes. I remember several days where I felt "carried." As if some ONE was lifting me and carrying. Those are sacred, beautiful memories.

I get emails and calls from women going through the same thing. And that's why I am writing about this. I don't necessarily love spilling my agony on the www. However, I know what its like to feel alone in it all. I spent six and a half years carrying a secret alone...without a soul on this Earth to confide in (well, I choose that part.) That's why I am and will be sharing my part of this story - and although I don't intend for this to take over my blog, I hope to still share recipes and stories of my funny little guys, I will be sharing my story here.

The waves still come - but they are smaller, definitely less threatening, and more and more infrequent. That's the good news. It won't last forever.

What works for me? Step into the pain. I spent a long time trying to run from that kind of hurt. But believe me...like the bill collector it will always find you. Lean into the pain. Sit in the pain, feel it, and then move on. That's what I do now. I have a good cry, mourn for what's lost, what will never be, and then get up and clean my kitchen...because after a long day of baking, my kitchen definitely needs it.

Santa

2010-12-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

Been seeing a lot of this lately...Ethan has fallen in LOVE with this Santa hat and insists on wearing it everywhere. He wears it to school everyday, out shopping, and to bed each night. Getting it off his head for church is a major accomplishment. I have to say, he does look pretty cute it it.

The Three Trees

2010-10-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

A moment of clarity.

I had a really long drive today. I drove to Utah solo. It was the first time I have made that drive by myself. It seems like this is a year full of firsts. And it gave a lot of time alone with my thoughts.

Alone.

That's a word I have had to really really face this year. I have always been a "people" person. As a child, my definition of misery, was being forced to play alone. And if you wanted to really torture me force me to sit in my room...it felt like solitary confinement.

This year I have spent more time alone than any other time in my life. For the last seven years my house always seemed full of my children and the children I tended. Having my boys in school and away on visitation two days a week has been difficult. Holidays and special occasions have been quiet and lonely.

And never have I felt more alone than I did after all the losses earlier this year. I remember when the realization hit me...that I was now the only one left. The last remaining member in my entire family.That day it felt like my already broken heart just shattered. It was devastating.

Today when I was driving I saw the most amazing sight. I saw this beauitful tree standing alone in the middle of a desert that stretched on for miles and miles. Not another tree in sight. And yet here this tree stood...green and strong.

Instantly I was reminded of a favorite scripture...

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
Helaman 5:12

I have felt like that little tree for so so long. Not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but when I was little I lived with 5 families. And my dream, the idea I lived for, was that one day I would no longer be the lone tree. But part of a forest.

I never imagined this for myself...that 20 years later I would still be the lone tree. But isn't that life...we all have things we'd have never imagined.

As I looked at the beautiful little tree, standing all alone in the desolation, I was impressed with the idea that no matter if I am in the desert alone or in the center of the largest most lush forest - it does not matter. I just need to have my roots firmly rooted. That thought brought a flood of conviction rushing over me.

Me + God = Enough. It may sound cheesy but I KNOW that its true. I have seen it. I have experienced my own "shafts in the whirlwind," complete with hail and storms and probably a few tornadoes. And like that tree...I am still standing. I may have a few leaves missing. Possibly a broken branch or two, but standing.

I miss my boys. I will get to see them Sunday! The only good part about being away from them so much is how much more I appreciate those two little faces. And when we get home I am going to show them the picture I bought for their room. "Three Trees" It reminded me of us. And I am going to tell them all that their momma learned while driving through the desert.

Tyler-isms

2010-09-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

Word of the Day.

Genius-er

"Mom you are even "geniuser" than Sally.

The sad thing is I love his little funny words so much that I don't want to correct him. I will be sad when he uses proper English.

Dear Tyler

2010-08-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Tyler,

Oh how I love you!! I was thinking today that I would love to go back and just relive a day when you were a baby. Maybe I would pick a day when you were 4 months old. And you know what I would do? Absolutely nothing. Not one thing. I would not go grocery shopping. I would not organize the cabinets or refinish a dresser. I would not read or cook or clean or shop or talk on the phone or any of the millions of things that distract – Tyler I would spend the whole day loving you. I would hold you and absorb all the sweet baby smells I could. I would rock you and play with you and I would spend my whole day trying to absolutely enjoy every instant I have with you.

Or maybe I would pick a day in your second year. I would take you to the park and I would marvel at your raspy voice, the way you walk, or the drool that was such a big part of year two. I wouldn’t read or talk to the other moms. I would just absorb every second of two-year-old Tyler that I could.

Then Tyler, you know what struck me? One day, a few years from now, when you are being baptized, or going to scout camp I am going to think back and wish I could just have one day with 5-year-old Tyler. One day to walk you to school, hold your chubby- sweaty hand and talk about words that rhyme. One day to play the guessing game, one day to listen as you tell me all about your day – your universe. One day you will not want me to cuddle you at night. One day you won’t beg me to lie in bed and listen to your music with you. One day you won’t think that everything I say is so very cleaver. And one day, I will want more than anything to relive a day in the Fall of 2010 with my Tyler boy.

And so I think I am going to do that in advance. I am going to give myself that present early. I am going to take a day to just enjoy you. To listen and not worry about what I will make for dinner. To play toys as long as you want without feeling guilty for the homework or housework or any work that is being neglected. Because if there is anything I have learned in my life its that you and Ethan are the most important parts of my world. And that nothing will ever compare to the way I feel for you two. Ever.

Love

Mommy

Melted a Mothers Heart

2010-08-12T22:35:00.000-07:00

Little Ethan has begun reciting this to me lately. Apparently he heard it somewhere and decided that it is his "sonnet" to his mom. And I couldn't be more flattered.

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love

-William Shakespeare-

(Found this picture on an old zip drive today...oh i love those little faces.)

And then there was one...

2010-08-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

So its official. I am now the oldest woman on Earth. I have officially sent both my children off to school and the only thing left for me to do is finish up my will and wait..... I know, I know, maybe I am being just a little dramatic.
Honestly, it went very well and considering the shenanigans Ethan and I had last year I am very excited by the idea that it is nearly noon and I haven't received one call from the school. A modern day miracle.
The kids were so so excited for school. Take a look at this picture...can you just see their enthusiasm?

Yeah. Basically, I am thinking they need to get entered into some contest for being "Exceptionally Photogenic." I was doing all my positive comments to combat the "This is not going to be fun," "I hate school, "What if they laugh at me," "Why are they looking at me" "It's hot" "It smells" kind of complaints coming out of Mr Ethan's mouth. I am sure the parents nearby got a good laugh hearing me say "Being hot is fun, " and "Stinky smells are exciting," and "They are looking at how dashing you are..."
But we did it. And Ethan made it into the school with no one carrying him...which is definitely an improvement...and so I am very very pleased.

So now its just me here at home... well, me and the three crickets I just found in the bathroom.Next week I start a very full semester...and for what feels like the 100th time in this last year... the boys and are on to a brand new stage in our lives. And although it is different and a tad scary, I am so excited to see where it will take us!

2010-08-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

So while looking on an old Flash drive I found a STASH of old kid videos...and they made me smile.

Science Center

2010-07-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

We took a trip, and I mean an ALL day trip to the Science Center. We were there when the doors opened and we left at closing. We left happy but exhausted. Here are some photos of the fun!

What A Difference A Year Can Make

2010-07-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

I found my 2009 planner this week. Before you errupt into laughter that I actually own a planner -something I vowed I never would never own - know that last year was a chaotic year. I was actually enrolled in three different schools. Yes, you read correctly. I was at CAC, Rio Salado, and Seven Health Care (and for about three weeks I was in all three of them AT THE SAME TIME), and on top of that I had IVF appointments that averaged 3 visits a week and therapy appointments both group and personal for three members of the family. The chaos of it all resulted in a carpool child getting left alone for almost an hour - after which I bawled in my car and then proceeded to drive directly to Target and buy a planner.

But I digress, this post is not about why my life is chaotic, I was writing about how much has changed in a year for me...well for all of us. If emotional whiplash exists...I think I may have it. I am shocked at how completely different my life is just one year later.When looking at the events of last summer memories came flooding back.

Last year, I was frantically taking all of my nursing school prerequisites. I was thinking and hoping and praying for admittance into Nursing school. I was giving myself twice daily injections in the stomach and hip - hoping for the baby I had been waiting on for so many years. I was optimistic that treatment was "sticking" and that maybe, just maybe, Preston was in recovery. That the events of the past were nightmares that would fade in time...one day to be distant memories of "trials" that made me who I am.

And yet here I sit a year later. A new perspective. Failed IVF looks like a blessing. A longer, more expensive, and definitely more challenging road to Graduation feels like my "path." I am in a new home - and once again a new school. I am single...not only adjusting the loss of my husband but also a huge network of extended family.

I look back at Andrea of 2009 and part of me wishes I could warn her. Wishes I could give her a glimpse of what will await her in a few short months. Do something to help soften the pain I know will strike. And then I realize...she doesn't need a warning. She will do just fine...she will not only make it through the darkness but come out on the other side intact.

I can see clearly, maybe for the first time, how all the pieces were in place. I can see the huge network of support that had been gathering to soften my fall. I can see years and years of preparation that came together at the perfect time.

And I can literally see and feel the love - the love of my Father - who knows my heart. And it brings immense peace to me today. I once again, feel assured that we'll be okay. That healing will come. That my boys will be compensated - they will have all they need. That I am never alone and that my future - all of our futures - are in His Hands. And that idea makes me smile.

2010-07-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

Lynsey and I spent the weekend here. It was blissful.
I have been very blessed to know Lynsey. We met six years ago in Idaho...and have been friends ever since. There are a million things to love about this girl - but the one I love the most is her heart. She is one of the most thoughtful and loving women I know. Her gifts were the first received when I found out I was pregnant and when I found out I wasn't. She has witnessed and supported me through some of the toughest experiences of my life. And to top it off...she's hilarious. When we get together we seem to spend most of our time laughing or crying.
This weekend was no exception...I had a wonderful time!
I made a list of words that will always help me remember the fun....what can I say - I am a woman who loves a good list.

Keywords: Sleeping In, Melting Pot, Boom Dip, Poolside, Music, Inception, Best Friend, Birthday, Sprinkles, Orson Welles, Dampness, Jugular, Silver Eyeshadow, Teddy Bears with Teeth, Cowboy Ciao, Fanny Pack, Movie Theater Photo Shoots, Pizzookie, Lynsey's American Flag Shorts, 115 and A Vaseline Face.

Happy Birthday Lynsey!!!

Quote of the Day

2010-07-13T01:47:00.000-07:00

That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly.

Thomas Paine

Read this today. And felt inspired. It was literally my mantra while I did my hours of statistics homework.

Upside down

2010-07-01T01:48:00.000-07:00

Saw this today. So fun...yet so confusing. How long do you think you would have to live there till it would stop freaking you out?

Notice the bench upside down on the roof? Or the wheelbarrow?

Got me thinking about two quotes that I have had on my mind lately...

“Life is full of ups and downs. The trick is to enjoy the ups and have courage during the downs.”
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.

Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
-President Gordon B.Hinckley

I have been trying (not sure if I am quite succeeding) but trying nonetheless to enjoy, not just muddle through life. Especially right now. I don't want to look back and feel like I missed my 27th year of life. Or Ethan's 7th year. Or Tyler's 5th. I want to enjoy and learn and THRIVE each day that God gives me.
And in a lot of ways that house is me. Something that once looked so "normal" is upside down...for the world to see.
Right now things are different. Really different. Really confusing. And like I wondered above I think most days I am "freaking out." Trying to get my bearings and not feel "upside down."
But as I was looking at that house I realized that instead of trying to make sense of it...spending all my time trying to make it right side up again. Maybe I should just enjoy it. Recognize its uniqueness and enjoy my stay.
We won't live there forever - its not my dream home and it's definitely not my final resting place. But for now its a "vacation home." And I'll find some beauty here!

2010-06-28T23:29:00.000-07:00

After dinner tonight Tyler announced, "My stomach is now full of JOY!"

2010-06-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

(Notice the happy expressions...not happy about pictures!)

(The girls and I breaking the place in with a sleepover...straight up middle school style -complete with 5am bedtime.)

The move is finally over. It's still to close to the event for me to say it was easy. But like childbirth I am sure that in six months I will remember it as a wonderful experience.
But I am happy to say that we are moved in, LOVE our new home and neighborhood, and ADORE the fact that I am 5 minutes from everything...seriously, every store, restaurant, Paris, Disneyland you name it...I can be there in 5 minutes.

And I about burst with pride when I bought my first drill, put all kinds of furniture together and hung my own curtains. I am thinking that at this rate I may be whittling furniture out of beechwood and welding pipe by months end.

"Points"

2010-06-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

Today was a really good day.

And I have to be honest. That statement surprises me. With strep throat, a move that is days away, kids home for the summer and the ever-present school for me, I was expecting...well I WASN'T expecting what I got.

On a whim this morning I said, "Whoever goes downstairs and gets mom the packing tape gets 10 points." There wasn't even a second thought. They thundered down the stairs-lured by these mysterious points.

And so it went. I was amazed at what "points" could get these boys to do. They hauled and packed and scrubbed and tidied. All. Day. LONG. I am not joking. I was even able to get Ethan to try foods he has never eaten before with the promise of 500 points. (for a child who eats 3 things this is a BIG deal)

This evening I took them to the store and they could cash in their points for any ice cream they wanted. They even asked if they could eat out of the carton, "Why not...it's your points," I said.

I don't know how long to expect the "point effect" around here. But it was the miracle I needed today. And if I am lucky...maybe it will work again tomorrow!

Seven Years Ago

2010-06-09T10:45:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago...

I met this little guy

And Fell in LOVE...

He Changed My World Forever

2010-06-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

It's Official!! The boys and I are moving. I found a cute townhouse in Mesa and we will be moving in sometime next week. We have been in Arizona three and a half years. I was thinking back last night on all that's occurred since we've moved here. And the list is enormous. The boys were just little pipsqueaks when we moved here...Tyler one and Ethan three. Now Tyler is five and Ethan turns seven tomorrow.
And although I was a tad reluctant to move to Casa Grande...I have grown to love it.
The things I love about Casa Grande

The Walmart...filled with so much Casa Grande flavor.
The four restaurants we rotate between
The occasional morning and evening "smells" of cow
The Beautiful Historic Downtown
The Shirtless man who rides all over the neighborhood aboard his tricycle.

I kid, I kid, I actually love Casa Grande and I may have a minor meltdown when it comes time to leave. I have loved the people - I have made lifelong friends here, I love how quite it is...no traffic and insanity. I have loved my ward, and my callings and my house. I really have loved my house. I remember when the house was being built that I drove all the way out here almost daily just to walk through it. It was our first house...and in a lot of ways my first home.
It is full of memories. Birthday parties, late night painting experiments, sleepovers, baking, dinners with friends, holidays, hospitals, cupcakes, fried turkeys, and LOTS of babysitting, mud fights, and chocolate milk spitballs, heartbreaks, and best friends, college and kindergarten, and learning. I have learned more in the last three years than I can possible put words to.
So...now I am packing and trying not to lose my mind. I don't know who decides to move in the middle of her summer semester... I am also preparing for a huge Yard Sale on the 26th of June...so if your in the area stop on by!

2010-06-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

We all know there can be too much of a good thing. ( This lesson I leaned in 6th grade with an unfortunate Sour Cream and Onion Chips incident.)

This

can become this...

And this...

Can turn into this...

Or this...

Can turn into this...

(I joke, I joke, nothing too wrong with this. Well....)

And this...

Can turn into this...

I happened to learn all about this two years ago. I read somewhere about the "dangers" of sugar and decided to do a detox and completely stop sugar in my diet. And aside from the first week of headaches and grumpiness it was AMAZING. I felt so so good. I slept better and had more energy. My skin looked better and I lost weight almost effortlessly. It was a cool discovery. And surprisingly it was something I was able to maintain for more than just a few weeks. I eventually worked sugar back into my diet but with moderation.
However, after last fall's invitro attempt and this year's "events" I have found myself creeping back into my old ways. Too much sugar.
And I don't like the way I feel. Now being familiar with the way my body feels when its filled with good things I hate the sluggish and lethargic state its in after regular sugar consumption.
So...I have decided to tackle this one - once again. This year and all the changes in my life have given me a good opportunity for "tune ups." I decided that I wanted to use this time to reflect upon my "stuff." To examine and strengthen my Achilles Heel...or Heels.You know, being our best selves...the Best Andrea Possible. I've been trying to work on something new every month...
So...this month I am doing a sugar detox. My friend Lynsey is joining me and we will be keeping each other accountable. Goodness knows I will need some accountability. My first day at ASU is today...so I know that stress will push me to the cookie jar. I'll post and let you know how its going along the way.

2010-05-27T21:01:00.000-07:00

(Lindsey with Emerson during my visit last week)

The house is silent and I have nothing to do. Okay that isn't true. Yes the house is silent...but the whole "nothing to do,"bit isn't completely true. I have laundry. I have a GRE exam approaching this summer that needs to be studied for. I have a yard sale to organize and a house to pack. I have an endless list of phone calls I need to return and make and to be honest the more I type this list the faster my heart begins to beat...more like race. But really - tonight, in this moment, I have nothing to do. I am in the middle of my almost MONTH long break from school.

Words to Describe School Getting Out:

Bliss, Freedom, Sunshine, Cartwheels, Cupcakes,Energy...

Oh that list could go on and on. Its not that I hate school. I don't. Really, there are moments that I love it.

Key word: moments.

Hands down, the decision to go back was one of the best of my life. No exaggeration. It's just that I love the freedom I feel now. Going to bed when I want. Reading for fun and not feeling guilty because there is text book being neglected somewhere. I love being able to go visit my sister last week and hug baby Emerson. I loved staying up late and eating cereal with Ethan. My favorite part was letting Ethan talk about whatever he wanted to and just listening.

Key Words:

John Adams, The White House, The Statue of Liberty, The Invention of Cereal, Colors, Rainbow Bridges...and their existence, Red Vines, funny things Josie says, songs, cats that go back in time, the definition of a perfect lunch, and how many bouncy balls he can buy with two dollars.

And although I know that list is waiting for me. Lurking in the back of my mind. For tonight, I am going to curl up with my new book and enjoy this freedom.

2010-04-27T13:16:00.001-07:00

Hmmm. I wrote this amazing update post. Pulitzer Prize winning material here, folks. Then I walked away. And Tyler “trouble, mischief, and shenanigans are my middle name” Golding came into my bedroom and that masterpiece of a post is missing. I just know I won’t be able to re-write it. I could try and try and it will never come close to its original grandeur. I mean, I am not DaVinci folks; I only have so many masterpieces in this little head of mine.

And so…I am not even going to attempt it. I am just going to type out the darn update… However, I ask that you forgive the grumpy nature of this post (you would be grumpy too if your son just destroyed your masterpiece) and forgive the boringness…

So here it is in all is boring glory!

I have decided we need to update the blog. (There was some sort of clever reason for this in the original genius post.)

Tyler. What should I say about Tyler? Well, aside from the fact that he is a sneak who just deleted his momma’s masterpiece… (Like I said…forgive the grumpiness)

In all seriousness, Tyler is such a joy to me. He is my little partner everyday while Ethan is in school. If you were to ask me, what Tyler would be when he grows up I would probably say a sword fighter. I mean, that kid can turn any object into a sword and I often glimpse him in my rearview mirror staging imaginary sword fights in the back seat. However, since he has seen the movie “Sandlot,” I may have to change my vote to baseball player. He now turns everything into a bat and often asks me if I would like him to give me baseball lessons.

He is funny, cuddly, smart, and HUGE. Tyler is growing like a weed. He is basically the same size as Ethan – although I still insist on them each having their own clothes. Would you want to wear your little brother’s shorts?

He’s a great helper and is usually the first to volunteer for chores or prayers or eating whatever Ethan and I leave behind. That child is a BOTTOMLESS PITT. I am not kidding when I say that he is eating me out of house and home. Last time I took him to the doctor they asked about his eating habits – “He’s too skinny,” they complained. So I gave them a list of what he had eaten the day before…and the doctor didn’t say another word.

He starts Kindergarten this fall – which I try not to think of too often –and although I will MISS having him here with me I know he is very ready for it….Okay…So just to prove my point. I just heard a bang downstairs and I went down to find Tyler taking a bag of cereal, an apple, and half of a left over pot roast outside to eat. Seriously, this kid can eat!

Lastly, Tyler is the reason I am grateful I took the life saving class last fall. I have had to use (and I mean REALLY use) the Heimlich maneuver on that little fella TWICE since then. He literally has no fear…aside from the fear of someone talking his dinner…and to be honest I am surprised we have not had any major emergencies with him.

Ethan.Ethan is finishing first grade and is very excited for the summer. Although the year started rocky – he has done really well at school this year and though I am not sure he would admit it to me I actually think he really loves school. He attends a little charter school here in Casa Grande and I am hopeful that I’ll be able to get them both into another charter school this fall after we move.

His favorite subjects are Math and Art. Ethan has been and I think may always be an artist. I can remember him at two correcting my grandpa when he handed him a “gray,” crayon, “Well, actually Grandpa, the color is slate.” Almost every morning I find him up before me creating something. He loves to take old boxes and make games - and though they are fun – it is a bit suspicious that he is usually the only one capable of winning those games.

Now don’t get me wrong…I love his little masterpieces and I am so happy that he has a creative outlet…However, I do have a newfound respect for mothers of artists. I too have had to learn some art... the art of stain removal. I had to learn – and fast – how to get paint and glue and glitter and marker off ANY surface. Tape is a precious item in this house and one that I have to continually hide. I mean, I think Scotch needs to create some sort of rewards program for their biggest customers…that kid can burn through tape. I no longer have any scrapbook scissors, paper or stickers…they all have slowly made their way into Ethan’s enormous art tubs. But seriously, I think he has a gift for it…and I am happy that he has something that he loves so much. I am just hoping that one day when he strikes it big he will reward his mom for all her pain and suffering.

Andrea.Well, you all probably think I am in nursing school, right?

Wrong!! I am still a full time student…But in total “Andrea Style” I switched things up at the last second. (Literally, the last second…like 12 minutes before the drop out of nursing school deadline!) It’s a long story and probably one you would find rather uninteresting although I have to say it was pretty riveting to me at the time…So I will just summarize it and say that it was a very tough decision for me to make and although it adds time onto my school career (seriously, do I love torturing myself?) I am certain it is exactly what I need to be doing! So…are you kinda curious? Wanna know what this big career change was?

A circus performer?

No. But that would have been a good back up plan…I mean; do you know anyone who can string floss through her nose as well as me?

I actually am planning to start my Master’s in counseling program next year. I am definitely excited about it (however, not excited about the GRE and countless other hurdles that graduate school will require.) Next to professional reader (which unfortunately I do not think pays anything) or a professional opera singer (and contrary to what I believe - I have been told is not my “forte”) this will be my dream job. So…that’s the scoop on that.

What else is going on with me? Well, I am also planning to start my own bakery business this fall. It is still a work in progress but I hope to be up and running by the time, Tyler starts school. Not only will it give me something to do with the countless cupcakes my baking adventures leave littered all over my house (because seriously, me plus a house full of cupcakes equals major trouble) but also I am hopeful it can help pay the bills and support my shoe habit while in school.

Although I am sure most of you have gathered this fact…it still would not be a complete update on me and my life without mentioning the biggest change in my life. Preston and I are separated and in the process of divorce. I wish I could say more about it…I hate to leave you all hanging and curious. But for now that is all I really am prepared to share. I know that eventually I will bring more and more of my story to the blog….I really hope that it might help some other woman in my situation. However, for now, I will just say that this journey has been one of the most excruciating of my life and that I am learning daily to surrender and survive. I love the peace I have been given throughout all of this and I am forever grateful to the good friends who have loved me through it.

The boys are adjusting to it all. I was certain that this was going to be the event that spiraled them into a life of crime, drugs, and piracy…but I am amazed daily at their resilience and marvel at the abilities they have been given. I hate that they have to go through this and would do anything to prevent them this pain…but I have to remind myself daily that He had confidence in their abilities to handle this and my abilities to get them through it. I think the most important piece for the three of us has been to talk, talk, talk, and talk. I try to spend a little time everyday talking, drawing pictures, or even playing a few games I have discovered to help them open up and share their emotions. It’s a process…with a big learning curve…but we are okay. Okay…and hopeful.

There is it is…a much needed update. I had better save this thing before some sneak comes in here and snatches it again. Seriously, that would be my luck.

Well, if any of you made it through that post…good job. You have officially read the longest post on the internet. You should go eat a cookie or something in reward for your efforts.

2010-04-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

"One of these things is not like the other."

Guess who got into the fountain...

Shocker, I know!

The Weekend

2010-04-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

A totally Free weekend. I had some BIG plans.

I was hoping for some....

and maybe a...

but instead went here...

for this...

I did get to read this...

and catch up on a lot of this...

(

(and believe me that is EXACTLY what I look like while sleeping)

and eat these...

(

(thanks Amanda...my stomach thanks you!! My swimsuit...not so much)

And tonight, I get to see these guys...

So overall I would say I am...

(BTW...this is supposed to be HAPPY...After I posted it I realized it could be confused with...other emotions/disorders. Hey, it was the best I could do.

Tyler-ish

2010-04-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

Tyler just called me a "Fur-ball." When I asked him what he had just called me he said, "Oh, uh, I called you a fur-ball. Fur-ball is how you say I love you in Spanish."

2010-04-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

You know the kid is getting desperate when he just spent the last hour and a half watching my British miniseries with me while I was on the treadmill. Think Pride and Prejudice...but lower budget...much lower.

We are doing a TV detox around here. And Tyler is feeling the pain. I wish you could have been here and heard what the boy was asking me about my show. He was convinced that everyone was poisoning everyone( what can i say...he's an action movie type of guy), he covered his eyes every time a woman's hand was kissed - screaming "GROSS," and yet every time he had to leave the room he INSISTED that I pause the show. He didn't want to miss a minute.