Dear Tyler

Dear Tyler,

Oh how I love you!! I was thinking today that I would love to go back and just relive a day when you were a baby. Maybe I would pick a day when you were 4 months old. And you know what I would do? Absolutely nothing. Not one thing. I would not go grocery shopping. I would not organize the cabinets or refinish a dresser. I would not read or cook or clean or shop or talk on the phone or any of the millions of things that distract – Tyler I would spend the whole day loving you.  I would hold you and absorb all the sweet baby smells I could. I would rock you and play with you and I would spend my whole day trying to absolutely enjoy every instant I have with you.

Or maybe I would pick a day in your second year. I would take you to the park and I would marvel at your raspy voice, the way you walk, or the drool that was such a big part of year two. I wouldn’t read or talk to the other moms. I would just absorb every second of two-year-old Tyler that I could. 

Then Tyler, you know what struck me? One day, a few years from now, when you are being baptized, or going to scout camp I am going to think back and wish I could just have one day with 5-year-old Tyler. One day to walk you to school, hold your chubby- sweaty hand and talk about words that rhyme. One day to play the guessing game, one day to listen as you tell me all about your day – your universe. One day you will not want me to cuddle you at night. One day you won’t beg me to lie in bed and listen to your music with you. One day you won’t think that everything I say is so very cleaver. And one day, I will want more than anything to relive a day in the Fall of 2010 with my Tyler boy.

And so I think I am going to do that in advance. I am going to give myself that present early. I am going to take a day to just enjoy you. To listen and not worry about what I will make for dinner. To play toys as long as you want without feeling guilty for the homework or housework or any work that is being neglected.  Because if there is anything I have learned in my life its that you and Ethan are the most important parts of my world.  And that nothing will ever compare to the way I feel for you two. Ever. 

Love

Mommy