I had a really long drive today. I drove to Utah solo. It was the first time I have made that drive by myself. It seems like this is a year full of firsts. And it gave a lot of time alone with my thoughts.
This year I have spent more time alone than any other time in my life. For the last seven years my house always seemed full of my children and the children I tended. Having my boys in school and away on visitation two days a week has been difficult. Holidays and special occasions have been quiet and lonely.
And never have I felt more alone than I did after all the losses earlier this year. I remember when the realization hit me...that I was now the only one left. The last remaining member in my entire family.That day it felt like my already broken heart just shattered. It was devastating.
Today when I was driving I saw the most amazing sight. I saw this beauitful tree standing alone in the middle of a desert that stretched on for miles and miles. Not another tree in sight. And yet here this tree stood...green and strong.
Instantly I was reminded of a favorite scripture...
And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
I have felt like that little tree for so so long. Not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but when I was little I lived with 5 families. And my dream, the idea I lived for, was that one day I would no longer be the lone tree. But part of a forest.I never imagined this for myself...that 20 years later I would still be the lone tree. But isn't that life...we all have things we'd have never imagined.