Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sneaking a Peek.

Patience is a virtue...or at least I was told that many many times as a child.

I have a very bad habit. And in customary blogging fashion I am about to announce it to the world. I read the ending of a book first. I never start out intending to do it. I firmly tell myself, "Not this time, Andrea. You are going to be STRONG!" And then there would be a car crash or a wizards duel or a heart break so devastating that I am sure I will not live to read the ending....150 more pages, are you kidding me?? And so I would skip to the end. I'd peek. I would read enough to put my mind at ease. But the thing is - knowing the ending killed the magic.
In 2007 this all ended for me. I received the final book in the Harry Potter series - I was dying to know how it was going to end. Would Harry live? Would Voldermort - I mean, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named" be conquered? Would Ron finally grow up and ask Hermoine out?? And although I wanted to Peek...I didn't. I had waited far too long to ruin this. I was going to enjoy this book the way it was meant to be - cover to cover. In order.
Sometimes, especially lately, I have been wishing I could sneak a peek. Just get a little glimpse of how this whole thing called my life is gonna turn out. Get some PEACE over the worries we all have "Will my kids be okay...will I?" "Will I find love?"  "Will this Arizona sun give me wrinkles( I am joking....well, mostly)
However, as I was contemplating my wish to "read ahead" I was reminded of a little thing called faith.

Do I believe what I've professed to believe? Do I really believe He will do all He's promised to do? 

This is a question that is hypothetically easy to answer. But I have found its a lot harder when you are facing life. You know, those moments when pain or fear or uncertainty are banging at your door.

When you lose a child or pregnancy or house or job or marriage or parent. Loss makes you question. 

When you are betrayed or hurt or alone or abandoned or tired or weary or attacked or sick. Pain makes you question.
And for me  the answer to that question is YES.

I absolutely believe, I know. The promises are sure. That I will have a complete family. Alone will not last forever. That my children will be okay. Their pain will not last forever. That I will be guided and comforted...now and always. 

And so then comes in the faith. The turning the reins of my life over.  Not worrying about what will happen...because faith and fear can NEVER coexist. Because deep down inside - I already know the answer. I really do. So this is a book I don't need to read ahead in. Its a book with a perfect author. With a perfect plan.

1 comment:

lynsey said...

loved this!

if only we could all sneak a peek and get away with it, you know? be able to get a glimpse of what's to come so that we can keep going during those times when we need to the most.

you're such a great example to me of not knowing what's around the corner, but accepting and surrendering with faith that you will be taken care of.

it's so funny because when i think of your life, of all that's ahead for you, it's so easy for me to see. love, happiness, and a lot of amazing experiences. you are someone who will continue to reap what you sow and are just so full of light, it's contagious! thanks for being my friend, you lift me up more than you could know.

love ya!