White

I have always thought white was Ethan's color. His blue eyes and tan skin just "pop" even more when he's dresses in white. And it was never more true than this last Saturday.

Ethan with Uncle Ryan

A good friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago, "There is just something really special about the day your first born goes in that water." And she was right. It was an amazing day. 

As I have shared on this blog in the past, Ethan has social anxiety. And it has been a real struggle for him....and me. I have watched him struggle with school and primary programs and dentists and sports and it has been so painful to watch someone I love so much go through this. 

He wants to play/sing/go...but in the moment (especially his first time) he is terrified. He starts to sweat and his heart is beating out of his chest and he panics. And then he suffers after with the regret of missing out or feeling different. 

I knew that baptism was going be a hurdle for him. 

We've been talking about this for months. And every-time the subject was brought up I saw that look (the I am gonna bolt deer-in-the headlights look) and I was really very apprehensive about how this whole experience would go.

I wanted this to be his decision. I didn't want him to be forced or pressured into this. I decided that I would let him choose and respect his decision and when I asked him what he wanted to do he said very calmy, " I want to be baptized mom. I want to have an eternal family and I want to follow Jesus"(melted my heart). And he followed that statement with "But I don't know how I am gonna do it....I am so scared."

I have been praying and fasting for months for this little boy. I wanted him to succeed. I wanted him to have this experience under his belt that he could look back on and know he did it. I wanted him to not only accomplish this...but to enjoy it. 

. It didn't start well. He CLUNG to the car door when we pulled up that day. And he slumped into a ball in the corner of the dressing room when it was time to change into his white clothes. But then I said a prayer with him...and added another to the hundreds that had already been said in my heart that day.

And it was answered. 

He was baptized. And I cried all through it.

And he was confirmed. And I couldn't help opening my eyes.

And I saw his sweet face. It was completely PEACEFUL. Not one ounce of fear was found there. (and that my friends was our own personal miracle) And he had the biggest, sweetest smile across his face the entire blessing. I could just cry thinking of it. I know he was helped that day. 

Helped to accomplish something important to him and to HIM. I know that all of our struggles whether they be the small fears of a little 8 year old or the challenges facing nations are known and heard by God. I know that. 

And I am thankful that now Ethan knows it as well.