Saturday, July 19, 2008
I have been reluctant to blog this, knowing there will be a collective eye roll around the blogging world of all you much more experienced mothers. I have been a mom for 5 years now, enough time to know that I know nothing about parenting, to know that it's much more challenging and rewarding than I could have ever imagined when I began this journey at 20, and enough time to feel a bit more relaxed about my children. I no longer rush the children to the doctor at the first sniffle, I cringe when I remember how much I stressed about EVERY aspect of Ethan's first year. I don't hover and have learned to relax. It's made being a mother so much more enjoyable and I like to believe that it helps the boys be more confidant and self-reliant.
Well, take that whole last paragraph and throw it out the window. Throw it out the window, burn it, and throw the ashes in the ocean! Because as of late I have broken every one of my parenting philosophies. I am not relaxing - I AM STRESSING and BIG TIME!!!
How do you moms do it? How do you send them to Kindergarten?
Ethan turned 5 this summer and is eligible for Kindergarten in August. Just in case you forgot -it is July. What month follows July? August! That means my first born, my baby, little Ethan should be going to school in a month. AHHHHHHH! I am struggling with this for many reasons. If I thought that he was completely unready I would just hold him back, let him wait for next year. But in many ways he is ready. He is a smart boy with a very active mind and imagination and I really think he's getting bored here with Tyler and I. He's ready for something new and challenging and for those of you who know him he is SO ready for the art or "crafts" as he calls them, that Kindergarten has to offer. But he is terrified. He REFUSES to even talk about school and has cried a few times when I bring it up. This little boy cried every day for the first three months of preschool(review the story here) and preschool was just a few friends that he was very familiar with. He has been in primary for 18 months and has yet to sing in sacrament meeting...most children jump at their chance to sing. So I worry how he is going to handle it and if I will even be able to get him in the classroom.
I also feel so nervous just sending him out into "wilderness." I know, I know, Kindergarten isn't Babylon, but for a mom who has spent every day for the last 5 years with this little guy it's going to be a big adjustment for me. Once you go to school there's no going back. He'll go to school every remaining year until he's grown, then there'll be college, mission, wedding, children, and next thing you know I will be an old lady with cats who shows all her neighbors the photos of her boy who never visits. OK, I may be getting slightly carried away but Ethan has been with me almost EVERY day of my adult life and it's hard to turn him over to someone else - someone I barely know.
I was hoping some of you would have some AWESOME ADVICE for me. I was hoping some of you will give me the magic formula to make my 5 year old stop growing up - that my biggest concern will be teething and getting him to sleep through the night - that you will reassure me that this decision won't determine his happiness forever and that if I make the wrong choice he won't be destined for misery...