Thursday, March 17, 2011

Having a moment. Part One

I love this. I love a good surprise. Especially when they totally FREAK OUT. However, I am not going to lie, I always believed these "freak outs" were a little fake. "Come one really acts like that..." I couldn't figure it out. I had NEVER had a moment like that in all my life. So I just didn't understand it. Were they playing to the camera? Mentally unstable? It was a mystery to me.

Until last week. Last week I received a letter that changed that all for me.
 It looked a little like this...

And after I read it I looked a little like Ms. Emma from that "Price is Right" video. I was NOT playing to the camera or the crowd (because there was none. I was all alone) But I literally lost myself in that moment. I fell on the ground and looked like I was doing some sort of  - stop. drop. and roll. - dance. It wasn't pretty. And then when that part was over I looked like this...
But not nearly as cute.

Because for me this was a big deal. It wasn't that I got into grad school.
But what it actually represented to me.

That I am not stupid. My sister is a genius. Really. Bright and talented and good at all she does. And somewhere along the line - I got the impression from my high school teachers that there was only one smart Dubree girl (that would be my maiden name). And I believed it.
Going back to school a little over two years ago was one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. I had no confidence in myself. I was a mom, who baked and cleaned and loved her kids. Now in that area I was confidant. But math. microbiology. anatomy and physiology. YIKES.
The lie I told myself was "people like ME, don't become nurses...not me...I am just not that smart"
And then you know what happened. I did it. And even got A's in the process.
And once again I had this stirring.

That although nursing would be wasn't what I was "meant" to do.
But that little voice in my head told me "Not you, Andrea. Girls like you don't get Masters degree's. Not you. Ever. Getting into nursing school was a fluke..."
I had to fight those thoughts for six months before I finally listened to the truth
and dropped out of nursing school.
And started this path.
And it was terrifying.

And I almost didn't apply.

Taking the GRE

Writing my application essay's

Asking for letters of recommendation

And the truth be told. I had NO hope of getting in.
Not to this school.

And the experience left me grateful. And prayerful. Reminded once again, and for what seems like the millionth time this year, that I have been blessed beyond what I deserve. Loved perfectly. And given all that I need.

So bring it on grad school. You don't scare me (well, not too bad :)


Lori McPherson said...

Congratulations, Andrea!! You will be great at Counseling. You have such a good head on your shoulders and have plenty to teach the world. You are amazing, and don't forget it! Tell that little nagging voice that you are AWESOME and you know it. Rock it, girl!

Rachel Holloway said...

YOU ARE INCREDIBLE! I am SO proud of you--and despite that voice (which we KNOW who is talking) YOU ARE SMART, and able to do so much--if not EVERYTHING you put your mind to! SOOOO proud of you. Seriously, so proud! You have overcome so much, and that speaks VOLUMES about you!!!

Charlotte said...

Congratulations! You will great, no doubt about it.

Sarah said...

YOU are amazing and inspiring! ANd you totally deserve every ounce of goodness that keeps coming your way! Congrats! I can't imagine accomplishing everything you have and being a mom too....... you are one of a kind Andrea!! SO happy for you!

Elise said...

Hooray! That's wonderful news Andrea! So happy for you. Congratulations!


Great blog!!